Tumble and Fall
by saywhat
Summary: Sean’s return to Degrassi brings him more than a few surprises. As he questions life, love, and purpose, he learns somethings about his former best friend, his ex, and most importantly, himself. SeanCraigEllie, some slash and drug abuse.
1. Welcome back

**This is a Craig/Ellie/Sean love triangle story…with a huge twist. Main character is Sean (my first story with him as the main character!) but Craig and Ellie also play major roles. Sean returns to Degrassi for his last year and drama ensues...**

* * *

Sean felt wetness on his face as he looked up at Degrassi Community School, its familiar face smiling down on him. 

_Damn rain_, he thought, hurrying up the stairs and inside as the drops began to fall more heavily. He had wanted to take a moment before entering the school and brace himself but he did not want to go to his first class back looking like a drowned rat either.

Hiking his backpack higher onto his shoulder he stood in the foyer and looked around. Several students milled around chattering loudly about their summers and how much they had missed each other. He wondered if anyone would say that to him.

"Sean?"

He turned to see Emma walking towards him with an unfamiliar blond boy trailing behind her. _Guess I'm about to find out._ He smiled hesitantly. "Uh, hey Emma."

"'Hey Emma'? You show up at Degrassi after a year and a half, completely out of the blue and that's all you can say?" Emma hugged him. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, it's our last year. I really, um…well I just wanted to come back here to graduate, I guess. I mean it was my school for almost four years."

Emma smiled. "You mean, you _missed_ Degrassi?"

"I don't know if I'd go that far," Sean replied also smiling.

"Well it sure missed you. I did too."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Sean then glanced over at the boy who was standing next to Emma staring at him with a slight frown on his face.

Emma blinked. "Oh! Sorry. Peter this is Sean. Sean, Peter."

"Nice to meet you," Sean said.

Peter just looked at him. "How do you guys know each other?"

"We used to date," Sean said as Emma opened her mouth to reply. He did not like this kid already.

Peter nodded slowly then put an arm around Emma's shoulders. "Too bad you let her go. Well, not too bad for me." He smiled smugly.

Emma cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Um, we have to be getting to class. It was great to see you, Sean. We should hang out sometime."

"Yeah," Sean said to her retreating back. "Sometime." Sighing, he put the hood of his sweatshirt up and headed in the opposite direction to the main office. As he waited to get his schedule, he felt disappointment wash over him. While he was not entirely surprised that Emma was dating someone, he was surprised at _who_ she was dating. _I never thought she'd date a total jerk like that, _he thought, stepping up to the counter and giving his name to the secretary. He sighed. _Then again, I wasn't exactly a prince during our relationship._ He realized he felt no jealousy, however. He only wished she had chosen someone better, someone who he could trust to take care of her. It was not his job to do that anymore, he realized that but he still cared for her and wanted to make sure she was cared for by someone she deserved.

Sean took his schedule from the woman then turned and saw a face he did not expect to see at all. "Craig?"

Craig looked around and his eyes widened upon spotting Sean. "Hey!" They approached each other and both boys hesitated at what to do before Craig extended a hand, which Sean took then pulled him in for a quick hug.

"So what brings you back to the halls of Degrassi?" Craig asked.

"Could ask you the same thing," Sean replied with a grin. "I'm back to graduate with my old friends, although I didn't expect you to be one of them. Let's see, I don't remember you being stupid enough to get left back…"

Craig laughed. "Nah, man. Went to Vancouver to the do the music thing last year. Failed at said music thing. Came back here to finish up classes and graduate. That about sums it up."

Sean noticed a subtle undertone of sadness in his voice. Craig spoke glibly but Sean could tell he was upset that "the music thing" had not worked out. "I'm sorry, man."

Craig shrugged. "It was a good experience. At least I learned now that I'm not cut out for it, right?"

"I guess."

"So, uh, what homeroom are you in?" Craig asked in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

"12H."

"Me too. It's Kwan so we'd better get going. I don't know if you remember but if we're late…"

"She'll cut off our heads, stuff them, and put them on her mantel? Yeah I remember."

Both boys laughed and Sean felt better than he had in a while. He was back with his old best friend, the first real friend he had ever known. They had lost contact for a while when he had gone to Wasaga but now it felt as though he had never left.

"Hey after school, you wanna grab something to eat?" Sean asked. "Catch up a bit?"

"Um that'd be gr…oh wait. I have plans with someone." Craig paused. "But you can come if you want."

"Who do you have plans with?"

Craig looked uncomfortable. "Um, they're with Ellie."

"Ellie." Sean repeated the word with no emotion while his pulse began to race.

"Yeah. But we're not dating," Craig added quickly. "Just friends. We usually meet up on Thursdays before we go to group."

"Group?"

They had reached homeroom and now hovered outside the door just as the bell rang. Mrs. Kwan stood in front of the class and motioned for them to take their seats, wearing her usual stern look. They obeyed, taking the only seats left near the front which left them no opportunity to continue their conversation.

Sean did not listen as Mrs. Kwan went over the school conduct rules but rather wondered how things could have changed so much and how stupid he was to have expected them not to.

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**Please leave reviews! Next chapter up soon...**  



	2. Just Friends?

Sean opened the door to his new apartment and looked around at the boxes he still had to unpack. Sighing he closed the door behind himself and sat down heavily on the couch. His parents were financing the place for him as long as he came home to visit at least once a month. It was smaller than his old place but nicer and closer to Degrassi. His mother had helped him find the apartment and later surprised him with a brand new couch and curtains on the window. The gesture had made him truly realize how much his parents had changed since he had returned home. Things between him and his father were still a little rocky but the man had been the one who saw how badly he wanted to return to Degrassi and encouraged him to do so. Sean had gathered his courage while hiding out in Wasaga and it had been the right time to go back and face his fears. And so far he was. He had avoided _that_ hallway though.

Sean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Shaking off the feelings of regret and sorrow, he got up and began to unpack. His thoughts settled onto Craig and Ellie as he took some clothes out of a box and tossed them onto his bed. Craig had told him over lunch about how he was bi-polar and how Ellie had helped him through some rough times. She was now attending the University of Toronto but they still spent time together often. Craig had also insisted numerous times that their relationship was completely platonic and Sean could not help but wonder if Craig doth protest too much. Sean had declined the invitation to hang out with them after school, not quite ready to see Ellie especially as Craig's new best friend.

He tore up the empty box a little more viciously than he intended and tossed it into a corner. He had to learn to deal with these changes, accept the fact that Ellie may have moved on. After all he could not really expect her to be sitting around awaiting his return. They had barely spoken once he had left and the few phone conversations they had had been awkward. Eventually all ties between them had been broken.

_Maybe there really is nothing between them_, he told himself as he grabbed the television remote and flopped back down on the sofa. He found that hard to believe.

* * *

_A shot rang through the air. He felt the warm liquid on his pants and his knees gave out. They both fell to the ground. As they went down he could see the look of shock on Rick's face, the grimace of pain. He knew instantly what had happened and let the gun he had been struggling for only moments before slip through his fingers to clatter on the tiles. _

Sean fought to suppress the memories but they kept flooding through him. He had been forced to come down that hallway when the long route he had been taking the past few days made him repeatedly late to English and the threat of detention hung over his head. But now he would much rather sit through a dozen detentions than the memories of that terrible day again.

_Emma ran up behind him asking him again and again if he was okay. He could hear Toby running for help. He got to his feet as Rick lay there, a pool of blood forming beneath his body. His eyes had fallen shut but Sean could only see the look they had held only moments before when the gun had gone off. _

"_Sean," Emma begged. "Answer me, please. Sean!"_

"Sean. Sean?"

Sean realized the person calling his name was not Emma from the past but from the present and he looked up to see her standing a few feet away. "Sean, are you okay?"

"Yeah." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked quickly past her. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He ignored her calls after him and hurried down the stairs, through the foyer, and out the door. Breathing in the fresh air he nearly broke into a run to get away. Once he was a good two blocks away, he slowed down and tried to catch his breath, bending forward and putting his hand on his knees. He could see a pair of feet walking towards him and looked up. Ellie. The shock of seeing her so suddenly made him even more breathless. She looked the same but different. She still dressed in all black and rimmed her eyes with charcoal liner but her hair now fell in soft ringlets around her face and she stood a little straighter than he remembered.

"Hey Sean," she said quietly.

"Hey," he managed to reply through his panting.

"Are you okay? You seem a little…like you just ran a marathon."

He nodded, straightening up. "I'm fine. You?"

"Also fine," she replied, taking a few tentative steps towards him. "Heard you came back last week." The unsaid message hung in the air between them: _Why haven't you tried to see me?_

"Yeah, I've been pretty busy. Classes, unpacking, getting adjusted to life at Degrassi again…"

"Oh. You could have called. Cell number's still the same."

Sean shrugged. "Figured I'd run into you eventually."

Ellie nodded slowly. "Right. Well now that we've 'run into each other', I guess I'll see you." She shook her head and started to walk away.

Sean winced. "Ellie, wait. Look, I…I was going to call you. Really. I do want to talk to you."

Ellie crossed her arms. "Well Craig told me he invited you to come hang out last week. Why didn't you?"

"Well, I thought it would be awkward. You and Craig…"

Ellie raised and eyebrow. "What do you mean, me and Craig? There's nothing going on between us. It would have been three _friends_ hanging out and catching up."

Sean rolled his eyes. "Friends? Are we friends? Can we possibly be? I know you were mad at me for leaving. I heard it in your voice when we used to talk on the phone."

"Yeah I was. But I'm over that, Sean. You were my first boyfriend and I relied on you a lot. Too much. You did what you had to in order to heal from…from what happened. I understand that now." She stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm. "And I'd really, really like for us to be friends."

Sean bit his lip. God this all felt so familiar. Her touch, their closeness…

"Okay." He forced a smile on his face. "Friends."

"Good. I have to be getting back home. Visiting Mom for the afternoon. But we can hang out this weekend. A friend of mine is having a party if you want to come. And we can get some coffee afterwards or something, just the two of us. Catch up."

Sean hesitated then nodded. "Okay. Yeah sounds great."

"Great. See ya then."

"See ya." Sean turned to watch her walk away. He hoped they could be friends. He really did.

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**Leave more comments and reviews please. I'm trying to get this story finished quickly before I head back to school so updates should be often.**  



	3. Party

Sean already felt awkward. The party was in a rather cramped dorm suite where everyone seemed to know everybody else. Girls in tiny denim skirts sat on the laps of boys wearing baseball caps and polo shirts. Sean looked down at his worn ripped jeans and oil stained t-shirt. _Good thing I'm not here to pick up chicks._

"Hey!"

Sean turned expecting Ellie and instead had a beer shoved in his face by a short blond girl. "Uh, hey." He took the beer but didn't open it.

"What'd you come straight from shop class?" She giggled and took a long swig from her bottle.

"Uh, not quite. Do you know Ellie?"

"Who?"

"Ellie Nash?"

The girl thought for a moment. "Yeah, no idea sweetie. Maybe you're at the wrong party."

"I think I am." Sean turned away from her and spotted Craig coming out from one of the bedrooms. "Craig!"

Craig looked up. "Hey, Sean, buddy! What's going on man?" He put an arm around his friend, grinning broadly.

"Uh nothing too much." Sean smiled inwardly. Craig had obviously had a couple of beers. "Where's Ellie?"

"She called said she was running late. Something to do with a paper…her hair…I don't know. Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Met some cool people but I'm still feeling a little weird being at a college party and all. Then again I did get to go to some sweet parties in Vancouver…" A wistful look overcame Craig's face.

"Yeah…well I'm glad you're here now." Sean noticed Craig's pupils were dilated and wild-looking. "Are you ok, man?"

Craig nodded. "Fine. Great, in fact. You know, I'm glad I decided to go with the single life this year. At first breaking up with Manny this summer sucked but I've realized that this is the prime of our life. It's the time where we should take advantage of our beauty and youth." His eyes rested on a tall brunette that stood by the refrigerator. "Actually, I'll be back in a little bit." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down before heading over.

Sean laughed and shook his head.

"He's been doing that all summer."

Sean turned to see Ellie watching Craig and the girl chat animatedly with a sad look on her face. "And you don't approve?"

Ellie shrugged. "Whatever. None of my business." She smiled although it looked a little forced. "I'm glad you came."

"Sure." Sean smiled back then opened his beer. "So…"

"Ellie!" A group of three boys waved her over.

"I'll be right back," she said then hurried over to them. "Pat, I thought you said you weren't coming…"

Sean took a big gulp of his beer. He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

* * *

Sean sat in the corner of the couch, trying to ignore the couple making out next to him. As he downed the last of his beer, he wondered what he was doing sticking around. Since when did he go to parties like this anyway? As he got up to leave, he spotted Ellie throw her head back, laughing at something one of the guys was saying. Not bothering to say goodbye, Sean shoved past some people and headed for the door.

"Sean!"

He stopped but didn't turn around.

"Where are you going?" Ellie asked him, grabbing his arm.

"I gotta get going. Nice party."

"Look, I'm sorry. I got a little distracted. Why don't you come over and meet the guys? They're really cool."

Sean shook his head. "No thanks. See ya." He shook off her off his arm then left. As he walked down the hall, he felt even worse that she had not followed him out. _So much for being friends._

As he passed by the bathroom he paused, hearing someone throwing up. He pushed open the door and stepped inside. "Hey, uh, are you okay?"

"Sean?" A door to one of the stalls opened and Craig stood there wiping his mouth with a piece of toilet paper. "That you?"

"Yeah, are you okay?" Sean stepped forward. "Too much to drink?"

Craig shook his head. "Nah, man I haven't had anything to drink."

Sean frowned. "Uh, are you sick?"

Craig smiled. "No it was just my first time. Joe, that guy in there who hooked me up with the stuff, he said I might get nauseous afterwards. No biggie." He took a step forward and stumbled.

Sean put an arm on his shoulder to steady him. "First time doing what?"

"Uh, heroin. Hey don't worry man, I've done tons of other stuff. This is no big deal."

"No big deal? And what other stuff?" Sean's mind raced, wondering what the hell was going on with his friend.

"Just stuff. When I was in Vancouver finding out I have zero talent or originality I met some cool people. Have you ever tried LSD? You know, the one song they said might have potential, I wrote while on an awesome trip. Just like the greats. The Beatles, Hendrix, the Doors…"

Sean could not believe what he was hearing. "Craig you've got to be kidding me. I can't believe you'd mess around with drugs."

Craig suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders. "You cannot tell Ellie. She thinks my bi-polar has been acting up which is why I've been so happy. But it's not. These things, they work so much better than my meds. My meds were just making me numb, holding me back. When I'm on a high, Sean, I feel alive. Like all of my emotions are at my finger tips. The songs I can write, the way I feel…it's like I'm really living." He paused, smiling contentedly. "But we gotta keep this a secret, okay? Just between you and me."

"Craig…"

"Sean it's under control. It's all under control. I'm just experimenting, being young, enjoying life."

"Then why do you need to keep it a secret?'

"Because…" Craig sighed. "I just don't want her to know. She's freak and tell Joey or something."

"And what makes you think I won't?"

Craig looked him at him squarely. "Because you understand, don't you? You know what it feels like to need these things."

Sean looked away. His days of drinking to escape his problems were far behind him but he did remember. He remembered the pain and sorrow and the feeling of peace or euphoria the alcohol gave him. He knew Craig had gone through terrible things too—he had been there to witness half of them.

"Sean. Please? I'm fine, I really am. I'm just tired. Can I crash at your place?"

Sean took a deep breath. "Fine."

"Thanks." Craig leaned put his arm across Sean's shoulders leaning heavily on him. "I just got really exhausted all of a sudden."

Sean said nothing as he half dragged Craig down the stairs and out to the street where he hailed a cab. They managed to make it back to Sean's apartment but Sean had trouble getting Craig up the stairs. Finally they were inside and Craig collapsed onto the couch with a small sigh of contentment. Sean, on the other hand, sighed with relief. He had been afraid his landlord would see them or that Craig would pass out before they made it to the apartment.

He sat down on some boxes and stared at Craig's sleeping form, rubbing a weary hand over his face. How Craig had gotten himself involved in something like this was still something Sean could barely fathom. Craig had a lot of problems but Sean never thought drugs would be one of them.

_Maybe he is okay_, Sean told himself._ Maybe it is under control._

Craig shifted in his sleep and Sean felt something as he stared at his friend. Concern and worry, yes, but something else was there. Sean was not quite sure what it was and not quite sure he was ready to know.

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**Please leave any thoughts, comments, words of encouragement etc...**  



	4. Decisions

Sean woke up the next morning still exhausted. He still wore his clothing from the night before and his neck felt stiff from sleeping without a pillow as he had given his to Craig.

He staggered to his feet, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He walked into the living room, stubbing his toe on a box and nearly tripping on the carpet. Craig was still asleep on the couch, snoring slightly. Not quite ready to think about the events of the night before, he turned away and went into the kitchen. Quietly, he tiptoed over to the refrigerator and took a swig from a carton of orange juice. The phone rang suddenly, causing him to spill some down the front of his shirt. He heard Craig moan on the couch and hurried to pick it up.

"Yeah?"

"Sean, honey, it's Mom."

"Oh, hey."

"Everything okay?"

Sean glanced at Craig who was rubbing his eyes wearily. "Yep. Great. Everything's great, I'm just a little out of it because, uh, I just woke up."

Mrs. Cameron chuckled. "Of course. I should have known two PM on a Saturday would be too early."

Sean managed a weak laugh. "Yeah. Well I gotta go take a shower and meet up with some old friends." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Craig sit up and look around blearily.

"Okay. School going all right?"

Sean suppressed a sigh. His mother never knew when to take a hint. "Yes, Mom."

"Did you talk to the principal about transferring your credits from Henley over to Degrassi?"

"Yes. She said it's no problem."

"She? I thought Mr. Radditch…"

"He left. There's a new principal. Look, Mom I-I think my friends are here. I'll talk to you later."

"You're not having a wild party or anything are you?"

"Yes Mom at two in the afternoon."

"Okay, okay. I trust you Sean, I do. And I miss you."

"Miss you too," Sean replied quickly. "Bye." He hung up then turned to Craig who was still sitting on the couch, his eyes only barely open. "Hey."

"Mmm." Craig did not look at him.

"How ya feeling?"

"Mm-mm."

"That crappy, huh?"

"Did I happen to get run over by a jet last night?" Craig looked at him squinting, his normally clear blue eyes looking bloodshot.

"Something like that." Sean cleared his throat. "Um, do you want anything to eat? I don't really have much food around but I think there's some cereal…" He started for the kitchen.

"I don't think my stomach can handle anything right now." Craig winced as he stretched, arching his back. "Tell me I didn't do anything completely idiotic last night."

Sean fixed him with a look. "Besides everything?"

Craig looked down at his hands.

Sean sighed. "Look—"

Craig looked back up suddenly with a look that would have silenced the bravest of men. "Are you gonna lecture me now? Tell me that I'm ruining my life? Well you can save it."

"Craig—"

"Thanks for letting me stay. I'll just get out of your hair."

_I don't need this._ "Fine," Sean said aloud. "I'll see you then." He went over to the kitchen and pretended to be busy getting something from the cabinet. He waited until he heard the door close then slammed the cabinet shut with a loud bang. His return to Degrassi had seemed to be going so well. He should have known it would go downhill soon enough.

_No_, he thought with sudden conviction. He had promised himself that this time would be different. He had been given a second chance, which was not an opportunity everyone got. Things had changed immensely but this time around he was determined to make them better. They had to be better.

* * *

Sean called Craig later that evening and convinced him to meet at the Dot. As he sat at the counter making small talk with Spinner, he could not help but worry. Every time the bell on the door rang his heart took a little leap. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, when he turned to see who had entered, Craig stood in the doorway. He looked a little better than before but had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a rumbled mess.

They greeted each other awkwardly then Sean stood up and they went over to a table in the back.

"I'm sorry I freaked," Craig said after a moment of silence. "I was just feeling crappy and worried about last night and I took it out on you."

Sean nodded. "Yeah, you did."

Craig half smiled. "You know, I was surprised you called."

"Why's that?"

Craig shrugged. "I figured you'd be through with me after I blew up at you. No offense, but you're not usually the first one to reach out."

"I…I guess I just wanted this time to be different. No more stupid fights or regrets."

Craig nodded slowly. "I get that. And I'm glad. So are we cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool." Sean felt immense relief as Craig grinned at him.

"And…" Craig hesitated and leaned forward, lowering his voice. "Um, are you really mad about what I told you last night?"

Sean bit his lip. He wanted things to be okay between him and Craig but he still was not sure he supported Craig's experimentation. After a minute of indecision, he decided his friendship with Craig was the most important thing right now. He could deal with the other problem if it got really out of hand later. "No."

Craig grinned widely this time. "Great! In that case, I think we should get out of here. There's a rave going on downtown and it's supposed to be awesome. That girl I met at the party last night told me about it."

Sean tried to change the subject, not eager to go to a rave where plenty of drugs were sure to be available. It was his first weekend back and he did not want to be so reckless already. "You've turned into quite the pimp."

Craig shrugged. "Not really. It's all been mostly just flirting. I'm not really looking for anything more right now. Hey speaking of which, how are things between you and Ellie? Did you guys get a chance to talk last night?"

Sean's phone beeped indicating he had received a text message. He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

_Why did you leave last night? Give me a call.—Ellie_

"Uhh, not really. Hey, why don't we get going to that rave?" Sean deleted the message and shoved the phone back into his pocket. Suddenly he was in the mood for recklessness.

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**More soon...don't forget to review please!**  



	5. Loaded

The crowd was thick, the air thicker, the music pounding against Sean's eardrums. It was everything he expected. And more. Kids were passing joints around like candy while others conspicuously swallowed pills. Craig had already run into some "friends" he said he knew from other parties and bought two tabs of LSD off of them, declaring he had not done it in ages. Sean had declined his share but Craig told him to hold onto it just in case he changed his mind. Craig took his but was still talking and acting fairly normally. The two of them stood away from the speakers where most of the crowd was dancing to the pulsating music and talked. They joked around, poking fun at the people around them. The occasional girl approached but the two of them brushed them off, content in each others' company.

"So how are things with your parents?" Craig asked him, leaning against the wall and stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"They're better. A lot better. They've been sober for years now and it's like they're parents again you know?" Sean felt a swell of emotion when he said these words. He rarely talked about his parents but now he was surprised he could actually talk about them without feeling angry or ashamed.

"That's great," Craig said. His eyes were taking on a faraway look. "Really great."

"How are Joey and Angela?" Sean asked.

"They're good," Craig replied faintly, looking out into the crowd. He smiled slightly. "I wrote a song about my Dad."

"Oh yeah?" Sean could tell Craig was starting to feel the effects of the drug.

Craig leaned in close. Sean could feel his breath on his cheek and he took a shaky breath of his own. "Wanna hear it?"

Sean could only nod.

"_Angel wings tarred down with black  
Let it fall  
I'll let you fall  
A pink sunset masked by fog  
It will rise again  
I'll watch it rise again_

_I waited for the tides to change  
The moon went through its phases  
And on the night it was full  
It's not a glass but a fist he raises  
It's just the same  
And I'm to blame_"

Craig's voice was haunting and full of pain and Sean could not even hear the other music playing in the background. Only he and Craig existed for the moment.

Craig paused in his singing and looked away. "Can you see it?"

"See what?"

Craig closed his eyes. "The music. I can see it." He opened his eyes. "Sean just try it. You said there would be no regrets this time around."

Sean looked down at the tab in his palm, the smiley face printed on it looking back at him. Craig had said it made him feel more alive. Sean hoped it would do the same for him as he placed it on his tongue.

* * *

Sean never wanted this night to end. The room swam before his eyes, the colors bright and vibrant, the music finding its way into his very core. He and Craig were really talking and connecting in a way they never had before. He felt like for once he really understood himself and someone else understood him too. Even Ellie had never quite gotten him this way.

"You weren't running away." Craig was saying and took a sip of the water he had gotten them. "You just needed to be with someone who could take care of you for once."

"Yeah, that's exactly it. That's exactly what I needed." Sean watched Craig's shirt ripple, the black and white stripes melding into each other, swirling around to the beat of the music.

Craig looked around. "Looks like a lot of people are gone." He looked at his watch, blinking several times. When he turned his wrist some of the water from the bottle spilled out. Sean watched it fall, the clear liquid catching the light, reflecting several different colors that twisted together in the stream. "It's four…forty-five? I think."

Sean looked back up at Craig. "Wow, already?" He could not believe how much time had passed. "Do you want to go home?"

Craig shook his head. "Not really."

"Me neither," Sean replied, relieved.

Craig pulled his cell phone out of his pocket suddenly. "I was supposed to call Ellie. I think she wanted to hang out tonight."

Sean felt his mood drop immediately at the mention of her name. "Don't."

"Why not? Is everything okay between you two?"

Sean shook his head. "I don't know. I used to think we were perfect for each other. Now? I feel like she doesn't want to have anything to do with me." He sighed. "And she's obviously crazy about you."

Craig was silent for a moment. His blue eyes, now more vibrant than ever, searched Sean's face. "Let's get out of here."

"Huh?"

"I don't feel like being here anymore. Let's go." Craig started pushing his way through the crowd towards the exit. Sean followed, the sudden movement leaving him a bit dizzy. He could feel the crowd pushing on him on all sides and started to feel suffocated. A hand reached towards him and grabbed his arm. Craig pulled him along until they were outside, breathing in the cool fresh air.

"This feels much better." Craig stretched his arms out towards the sky. "Freedom."

"Yeah…" Sean looked up at the sky and wished he was sitting on a star. With Craig. "Imagine living up there. In the sky."

Craig smiled dreamily. "No worries, no problems. Yeah that'd be pretty sweet." He stared upwards, his eyes glazing over. Sean watched him, recalling what he had felt the night before. Was that only a night ago? A lifetime seemed to have passed between now and then.

A car drove by suddenly, its headlights startling Sean from his reverie. The man in the passanger side stared at Sean as they passed. "Craig, we should get out of here. Craig!"

Craig looked over at him slowly, his face flushed. "Yeah?"

"Craig, I think we should go. I really don't want to get into trouble. I can't. If I get arrested, that'll be it for me." Sean felt panic start to build up inside himself. "I can't ruin this."

Craig nodded. "Okay, okay. We can head back to your place. I told Joey I'd be staying over there tonight anyway."

Sean did not want to take a cab for fear they'd somehow get caught so they got on the bus instead. Craig stretched out across the three-seater in the back while Sean sat upright in the seat in front of him. He stared out the window, not really seeing the streets rush by. The window became a screen of a blend of colors that morphed into different shapes from his past. Emma, Ellie, Tyler, Rick, the gun, the blood, empty bottles…he could not stop them from appearing before him.

"STOP!" Sean grabbed the wire to ring the bell to get off. Craig sat up quickly and followed Sean as he got off through the back exit. They were only a few blocks from his apartment but Sean was not sure he was going to be able to make it. His legs felt stiff and the images around him were becoming too much to bear. He leaned forward, putting his hands on his knees, trying to get a grip. He felt Craig's hand on his back, heard his voice asking if he was okay. He tried to get his mouth to work to respond but couldn't. Craig gently helped him stand upright then put an arm around his waist and helped him all the way back to the apartment. The irony of this compared to the night before was not lost on Sean but he could only concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and not throwing up. Once they got to his front door he fumbled around with his key at the lock. Craig took it and opened the door. By now Sean felt a little better. The sun was starting to rise outside his window and the colors appeared to be more normal. Still he could not quite shake the images he had seen on the bus.

"You'll be okay," Craig said as they sat down on the couch. "It's a bad trip. It'll fade."

Sean leaned over to the side, resting his head on the couch's armrest. He was shaken and trembling but having Craig next to him, stroking his back reassuringly helped him relax until he fell asleep.

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**I did a good amount of research for this chapter and worked pretty hard at making it right. Review please! Next chapter up soon...**  



	6. Emerald City

Sean was worried. When he had woken Sunday afternoon, Craig had been gone already. He called him several times but there had been no answer. Now it was Monday and Craig had not shown up to homeroom. By lunch, Sean had asked Jimmy, Spinner, and even Manny where he was but they had no idea. He really hoped Craig hadn't done something stupid.

As soon as the final bell rang, after having barely concentrated in any of his classes, Sean headed to Craig's house. After the second time he rang the bell, Joey came to the door.

"Hey Sean! How are you doing? Come on in."

Sean slowly walked inside. "Uh, I'm okay. How's everything with you?"

"Pretty good. Besides Craig."

"What do you mean?" Sean asked, his heart racing.

"He's pretty sick so I had to stay home from the dealership today. Did you bring his schoolwork?"

"Uh, yeah. Can I go up?"

"Sure, go ahead. Just be careful, it may be contagious."

_I doubt that._ Sean headed upstairs and knocked on Craig's door before entering. The light was off but the television was on, casting an eerie glow on the room. Craig was lying on his bed, facing away from the door.

"Hey," Sean said quietly.

Craig looked up slowly. His skin was paler than usual and the dark circles under his eyes had gotten worse. Sean also noticed for the first time that a shadowy area had formed beneath his cheekbones. "Hey."

Sean sat down on the desk chair. "How are you feeling?"

Craig shrugged. "Okay."

"What happened to you yesterday?"

"Had to take off."

"You seemed fine then. When did this 'sickness' come on?"

Craig closed his eyes. "I'm fine, Sean. Just exhausted. I didn't sleep much this weekend."

Sean looked over to the desk. It was strewn with papers scrawled with what looked like song lyrics. "When did you write all these?"

"Last night mostly. Uh, inspiration struck."

"Inspiration," Sean repeated. "Right."

"Oh, don't be a hypocrite. You tried it and I know you liked it."

"Yeah I liked it. For a while. Then I started seeing things…" Sean took a shaky breath. "I never want to experience that again. And this, what I'm feeling right now, it sucks."

"You had a bad trip. It happens. It's happened to me and it does suck but it passes. To me, the good outweighs the bad."

"Well to me the bad is not worth any possible good. And right now it's not looking very good for you either."

Craig shook his head, looking away at the television. "I thought you understood. My mistake."

"Craig I do understand. I understand why you're doing this but that doesn't make it right." Sean waited for a response and when none came he pressed onward. "What about your meds? And your brain? You're messing with something that could seriously mess you up even wors—" He winced inwardly knowing he had said the wrong thing.

Craig's body stiffened and he turned his head, his eyes filled not with anger as Sean had expected but hurt. "Even worse than I already am. Because, oh right, no one believes that I'm okay."

"Craig, you're not okay—"

"She's the only one who..." Craig's anger seemed to have faded and been replaced with a deep sadness.

"Who what? Who are you talking about?" Sean asked, confused.

"Forget it. Just go."

Sean stared at Craig for a long time then got up. He glanced at the desk and saw one of the songs was entitled "No Regrets in Emerald City." Barely conscious of what he was doing, not sure why he was doing it, he sent a surreptitious look Craig's way then picked up the paper and stuffed it into his back pocket, coughing to cover the crumpling sound. He left the room wordlessly, said a quick goodbye to Joey then pulled out the paper and began reading, crouching down in an alleyway by the Dot.

_No Regrets in Emerald City_

_The man made of tin  
What a lucky man he is  
No heart to break  
Nothing to fake  
I wish I were him on the golden road home  
There's no place like it from what I hear  
The lion wanted to rid himself of his fear  
I guess I've got something in common with a lion_

_The man at the gate said  
There are no regrets in Emerald City  
They'll make you pretty  
Your hunger will be fed  
The long hard road is no longer ahead_

_I want to go back home  
I don't want to roam  
It's beautiful here  
But it's just an empty sphere  
Eventually the wicked witch will find and catch me  
Only I have the power to save my own fate  
But I'm pretty sure I'm already too late  
And Aunty Em is already gone_

_The man at the gate said  
There are no regrets in Emerald City  
They destroy self-pity  
Sew your clothes with a golden thread  
Maybe I'll no longer wish I was dead_

_But this is a land full of regret  
I want to fix it  
But I think it's too late  
And I'm not sure I know how_

_The man at the gate  
He's really the wizard  
And he actually doesn't know anything at all_

_

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_**Let me know what you think of this song please. I know it's a little short but more will be up soon...**


	7. Realizations

Sean sat in the alley for a long time after he finished reading, pondering everything that had happened in the past couple of days. After reading the song, reading Craig's heart poured out onto a piece of paper, Sean knew that his feelings were more than just friendly. But why now? Why was he feeling this way towards Craig now? They had spent plenty of time together before. Sean had always felt protective towards his friend, especially after witnessing what his father's abuse had done to him but it had never felt like anything more. What had changed?

_I'm the one who's changed_, Sean realized. Ever since his breakdown after the shooting he had felt new things that he had never let himself before. The wall he had been putting up for most of his life had crumbled with the shot that day. It liberated and terrified him at the same time. Right now he was definitely more scared than anything else.

Getting to his feet, he tucked the paper carefully into his pocket then started to walk. The day was chilly for September and he stuck his hands into his pockets, walking quickly against the wind. His feet did not take him to his apartment though. He instead walked to the bus stop and a little while later found himself staring at the door to Ellie's room. He had looked her up in the student directory and now was just trying to get up the courage to knock.

"Do you find my door that fascinating?"

Sean turned around, startled. "El."

She studied him for a moment and he wondered if his face showed the confusion and doubt he was feeling. "Let's go somewhere. My roommate's probably in there. She doesn't leave the room. Ever."

Sean followed her down the hall to the elevator. They rode it down in silence and she led him to a café right outside the library. They sat at a small table by the window which looked out onto the main campus lawn. Students walked around or sat on the grass talking, laughing, or studying. Sean vaguely wondered if any of them harbored secrets or pain like he did.

"So."

He looked back at Ellie who stared at him, unblinking. He looked away from her gaze, not sure where to start. The last few days had brought him more new worries and problems than he had expected for the entire year. He was not sure he could put some of the things he was feeling into words anyway. "El…"

"You can tell me."

"It's just…I…" Sean could not quite bring himself to say it. "Never mind."

"Sean come on."

"No, I can't talk about it. I'm sorry." He got up to leave and felt her hand grab his wrist.

"If you need help…"

"No. No one can help me with this." Sean waited for her to let go then left the café. He was even more confused now that he had seen Ellie. It had been so instinctual for him to go to her and he had wanted to take comfort in her. Now he was beyond confused because he still felt things for her too, the same things he felt for Craig.

The rest of the week went by and Sean just avoided everyone. He got up went to school then came home did his homework and zoned out in front of the television until bedtime. Craig still was not back in school and he let the answering machine pick up to avoid phone calls from Ellie. He did not want to care anymore, wanted to rebuild the wall. It had to go up again.

Friday evening, the phone rang as he made himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The answering machine clicked on and a familiar voice filled the room.

"Hey Sean it's Tracker. Um, when you get this message call me back. I'm at home."

Sean froze not noticing the jelly dripping from his knife into the floor. Why was Tracker calling him from home? Something had to be wrong. Hands shaking, Sean went in the living room and picked up the phone. He dialed home in Wasaga, hoping he was wrong.

"Hello?"

"Tracker, it's Sean."

"Oh hey Sean."

"Is everything okay?"

"Um, not really. Mom had an accident. She's in the hospital."

Sean's heart started to race and he sat down on the couch. "What kind of accident? Is she okay?"

"Car accident. She's in ICU right now. We're waiting for word on how she is. Dad's there now but he wanted me to come home and call you."

"Car…was…was she drinking?"

"I think so. I'll come get you."

"No," Sean said quickly. "No don't come. Now now."

"But Sean—"

"Listen, just call me when you find out if she…how she is. I have to go somewhere for a little while." Before his brother could protest any further Sean hung up. Running a hand through his hair, he tried to breathe and stop the room from spinning. He had to get out. Grabbing his keys and a jacket, he headed out the door and nearly bashed into Craig.

"Sean! Hey, are you okay?"

Sean shook his head. "No. What are you doing here?"

"I came by to apologize for being an asshole yet again. The mood swings haven't been great."

"I-it's okay."

"What's wrong?"

"My mom…she got into an accident. She was drinking."

Craig's eyes widened. "Oh man. Were you headed out to go see her?"

Sean shook his head again. "No, I can't, not right now. I just needed to get out. I don't…I can't…" He broke off trying to hold back tears.

"Come on." Craig steered him out of the apartment and down the stairs. "You need this. They've gotten me through some tough times."

Sean knew instantly what Craig was talking about. He could feel the boy's hand trembling on his back and saw the wild look in his eyes. "No! Damn it Craig, what the hell's wrong with you?" He stepped away from his friend as they reached the front door the building.

"It'll help you, Sean, trust me."

Sean grabbed his arm and pulled him outside and to the side of the building. "Craig," he said in a low voice. "You need to stop this. Drugs are not helping you. They're only making you worse. Just stop, please."

"I…I can't. They're the only things that have kept me going. They're the only things that make me forget…"

Sean's heart ached for his troubled friend and wanted nothing more in that moment than to take his pain onto himself. "I know you want to escape. I want to do that too right now. But you can't. You can't." Sean repeated the sentiment more to himself than to Craig. It was true. He had learned that in Wasaga and realized the same was true now. He could not escape what was going on with his mother. He had to go see her. In a little while.

Craig was trembling now, obviously holding back tears. Sean reached out but Craig pushed his arms away.

"Don't. I don't deserve it. I should be comforting you right now."

"It's alright. I'm alright." Sean pulled Craig into an embrace, feeling every tremor that went through the boy's body. It felt strange but good to be taking care of someone else.

Craig pulled away after a minute or so and smiled slightly, wiping at his eyes. "I'm glad you came back," he said.

Sean felt the importance of these words hit him hard. All his life people had seen him as a bad influence, someone to avoid, but Craig never saw him that way. And now he was starting to see himself through Craig's eyes. That was something he would be eternally grateful for and it was part of the reason, he realized now, that he was falling for his best friend.

**I hope you're enjoying, please leave reviews!**


	8. Words of Advice

Sean went home to see his mother. She was going to be okay but was facing serious charges for driving under the influence. He stayed there for a week helping his father around the house, visiting his mother in the hospital, and hoping everything would turn out okay. The lawyer they hired told them that because this was her first offense and there was no one else in the car, she would likely get off with as little as a fine and license revocation for a few months. However, she could also face jail time because of the high level of alcohol in her system at the time. As bad as his parents had been in the past, Sean could not imagine his mother in jail.

By the following Sunday, Sean packed his things. He had to get back to school.

"Alright, Dad," he said as Tracker started the car outside. "I'm gonna get going."

"Just wait a second," Mr. Cameron called from the kitchen. He came out and stood in the doorway. "I…I just want you to realize how sorry your mother is. She's checking herself into rehab as soon as she gets out of the hospital."

"I know." Sean was disappointed in his mother but he realized that being there to support her was more important now than getting angry. This realization made him see how much he had changed since he had left the last time.

"And…just don't be afraid to come home. It's not going to go back to the way it was." The older man cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"I know," Sean said again. He was not one for emotional scenes and knew his father avoided them even more. "I'll call soon. And I'll be back. I promise."

His father nodded at him with a tight smile.

Sean got into the car with Tracker and let out a long sigh. They drove off, Tracker speeding as usual.

"So…" Tracker pulled onto the highway. "We haven't really gotten a chance to talk since you've been home."

"Pretty busy week."

"How's life back at Degrassi?"

Sean shook his head. "Don't ask. The ride isn't long enough."

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Sean barely got two hours of sleep that night. Tomorrow was going to be a nerve-wracking day. Not only did he have to take a biology make-up exam, but Craig was supposed to be back in school by now. Not to mention the half-dozen or so messages Ellie had left on his answering machine threatening to show up at Degrassi so they could talk.

Finally his alarm went off and he got out of bed reluctantly. The thought of staying under the protective comforter was almost too tempting. But no, he needed to face this.

He took the biology test during homeroom so he did not see Craig until Math. Sean spotted him standing just outside the classroom looking around anxiously. He smiled slightly then walked over.

"Looking for someone?"

Craig looked up and smiled. "Nope. Just hanging out outside math classrooms like I always do."

"Oh, too bad."

"Enough of the witty banter. How did things at home go?"

Sean shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Mom's gonna be okay but we're not sure what's going to happen once she gets out of the hospital. Most likely a fine but could be jail time…"

Craig bit his lip sympathetically. "Well, I'm sure it'll work out. I know it will."

"Yeah…so how have things been with you?"

"Well…" Craig looked around then grabbed Sean's arm and pulled him into an empty hallway. "I've been clean for the last seventy-two hours. Or so." He smiled sheepishly. "It's not much, I know." The smile faded. "And it's been really hard. Really really hard. Joey's starting to get suspicious because I've been sleeping and eating like crazy. I snapped at Angie yesterday and I think she's still mad at me. I haven't seen Ellie in days…" He rubbed his forehead. "I can't even remember the last time I hung out with Jimmy or Marco or anyone else. And school…I'm pretty sure I failed a quiz this morning and completely forgot to do homework last night…I've been just exhausted."

"Withdrawl," Sean said slowly. "Maybe…maybe you need help. Like…professional help."

Craig shook his head quickly. "No, no, no. I can handle it. No one can know about this. Joey has enough to deal with and Ellie…I can do it myself." He started back to the classroom as the bell rang.

Sean stared after him, wishing that Craig would for once admit that he was not okay.

Craig turned back. "You coming to class?"

"Yeah." Sean followed him into the room and took the seat behind him. He watched Craig for the majority of the class, fretting over the way Craig's leg kept shaking, the way his head kept falling forward as though he was nodding off. When the bell rang, Craig jerked upright then turned in his seat.

"Did you happen to get anything Armstrong said?"

Sean held up his empty notebook. "I just heard him say test next Monday."

"Great. Okay, you and me, study session, my house, this weekend." He sighed. "The very real possibility of failing should distract me from…other things."

"I hope so," Sean replied shoving his things into his backpack. "I really do."

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Sean could not concentrate on his homework that evening. He had finally called Ellie and told her what was going on. Well, not all of what was going on. He had just told her about his mother and that he had 'met someone' whom he was not sure he should get involved with. She was on her way over after her last class to give him advice and homework help.

Sean fiddled with a pencil, staring blankly at his textbook until finally a loud buzz erupted from the intercom box next to his door. He got up and pressed the button. "Yeah?"

"It's me."

Sean buzzed her in and in a few minutes they were sitting on the couch in awkward silence.

"Uh do you want something eat? Drink?"

Ellie shook her head. "I'm good. Thanks." She looked around. "I really like the place. It's homier than the old one."

"Thanks." Sean cleared his throat and picked up the textbook from the coffee table. "So I guess we should start with math. I have a test next week and I don't get—"

"So who is this mystery girl?" Ellie burst in suddenly. "Sorry. I just don't want to beat around the bush anymore."

Sean smiled slightly, his heart starting to race. "Well…"

"I know this is awkward, us being ex and all, but I honestly want to help. I want you to be happy. Everything I said about wanting us to be friends is true."

"I know." Sean looked down at his hands. "Well, uh, she's a girl from Wasaga. I met her, at…at a party a little while before I left. But I don't know if she's interested."

"Well did she give you her number or anything?"

"Yeah, we've been talking and stuff, but I think she may just want to be friends. She said she doesn't really want a relationship right now."

"Well people say that all the time. That doesn't mean they won't go for it if the right person comes along."

"Yeah. Well that's not the only problem. She's…she's into some not too good stuff."

Ellie raised an eyebrow. "What kind of stuff?"

"Dr-drinking. She's pretty heavy into it. She said she's trying to stop and she has for the last few days."

"I see." Ellie sat back for a moment, thinking. "Well, do you really believe that she's going to stop?"

"I believe that she wants to."

"And do you really care about her?"

"Yeah, I do."

Ellie bit her lip. "Well...I think you should find out if she wants to be with you first."

"How do I do that?"

"Um, asking usually helps."

Sean chuckled softly. "Yeah, not as easy as it sounds."

"You'll never know if you don't ask. I mean it sounds like something that's been eating you up inside."

_You have no idea,_ Sean thought.

"And then, if you're really ready to be there for her through the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, and if she's ready to change, then I think you should go for it." Ellie got a faraway look in her eyes as she said this. "Just be prepared to dael with a lot of hard stuff. But it may just be worth it."

Sean thought for a long moment. "I think you're right." He knew what he had to do.

**I'd appreciate any reviews. Next chapter or so is gonna have some pretty intense stuff...**


	9. Unpredictable

As the weekend approached, Sean dreaded it more and more. He had decided to talk to Craig on Saturday during their study session. However, he still had the entire week to get through before then. He went back and forth, deciding on Tuesday not to say anything then after going to the movies with Craig that evening deciding he had no choice but to tell him.

Another worry was Craig's withdrawal condition. Not only was he physically suffering, looking more and more drained and sickly as the week went on, but his spirits were dropping too. He was back on his meds but after such an extended period of time spent off them, they were not doing him much good. His depression and mood swings were becoming obvious to everyone. Sean saw Craig nearly come to blows with a grade seven who bumped into him in the hallway and he even seemed to have lost interest in music. Jimmy and Marco cornered Sean in the hallway on Thursday.

"What's going on with Craig?" Jimmy asked.

"Uh, what do you mean?" Sean asked, stalling.

Marco rolled his eyes. "Come on, Sean. You're the only one who seems to be spending any time with him. I talked to Ellie and she says she hasn't seen him in forever. He's moody and gross-looking and every time I call, Joey says he's sleeping. Is he…okay?"

Sean sighed, looking away. He knew they were concerned about their friend but he was sure Craig would not want them to know what was going on. "He's fine. I think he still sick from last week and…and he's just…going through some stuff."

"Well, what kind of stuff?"

Sean was rather impressed at how Jimmy could still look threatening in a wheelchair. "Look, just back off, okay? I don't know anything and I don't appreciate being ambushed." He shouldered Marco out of the way and stalked off. As he rounded a corner, he nearly bashed into someone.

"Watch it—" He snapped before realizing it was Emma. "Oh. Sorry."

"You okay?" she asked hesitantly.

"Great," he replied gruffly, not looking at her.

"Sean, wait."

He stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"

"You wanna walk me home?

"I don't need…" Sean looked at the sincere expression on her face. "Okay."

They left the school and started down the street towards Emma's neighborhood.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Sean asked.

"He tutors after school."

"What a saint," Sean replied, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, I know you didn't get the greatest first impression of him," Emma conceded. "But he can be a really great guy once you get to know him. Besides, I seem to remember one of my old boyfriends had a bit of a tough exterior too."

Sean had to smile at that.

"Once you get past that hard outer shell there is a gooey center. The flaws are there but…" Emma glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Sometimes we fall for people who aren't perfect. I think that's actually why we fall for them. So we can help them."

"Makes sense."

They walked on for a little while in silence. The sun was bright and the sky was clear. Sean took a deep breath of the cool air and a small part of him wished this was seventh grade again and he was walking Emma home from school just worrying about whether or not to take her hand.

"I heard you talking to Jimmy and Marco," Emma said suddenly. "Is Craig really okay?"

Sean opened his mouth to tell her that he was fine but couldn't lie to her. "No. He's not. He's in trouble and I have no idea how to help." He stopped walking and sat down heavily on a bench by a bus stop, putting his head in his hands. He heard Emma sit down next to him but she did not say anything. "I want to help him so bad. He's been…he's the only one who…" Sean shook his head. "When I'm with him, he makes me feel like I can be more than the screw up that everyone else sees me as. I _am_ more than that when I'm around him." The words spilled out of his mouth and after he realized Emma was silent and staring at him, he wished he could take them back. Terrified, he raised his head and looked directly at her. She looked back at him with a soft look in her eyes.

"Well, if you want my input…when you find someone who makes you feel that way, who makes you better, I don't think you have much choice but to try and do the same for them."

"And if I can't? If he doesn't…feel the same?"

Emma paused then shrugged. "Then try to help him anyway. It's just life. Sometimes things don't work out the way you think they will." She looked away when she said this and Sean knew she was talking about more than the situation with Craig. When she looked back she was smiling though it looked slightly forced. "I should get home. Thanks for walking me." She put a hand on his shoulder then got to her feet.

"Thanks," he called after her. He watched her walk away then leaned back in his seat and sighed. She was definitely right about life being unpredictable.

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Sean walked to Craig's house late Friday afternoon. The sun was low in the sky and the streets were relatively quiet. It was a peaceful time of day but Sean's mind was anything but peaceful. They were about to have their study session but Sean was the only one who knew that something else was going to happen as well. He was finally going to reveal his feelings and hope that Craig did not laugh in his face.

Sean rang the doorbell, holding his breath as he heard footsteps approach the door. It swung open and Craig stood there, grinning. Sean let the breath out as he stepped inside. "What's with the joker face?"

"I'm just feeling kinda happy for the first time in a while. Got the place to myself for the night. Joey's staying over Diane's and Angie's at a slumber party. I actually passed my earth science exam. Spending some quality time with my best friend." He shoved some books off the couch and sat down. "Life's not bad at the moment."

Sean sat down next to him, dropping his backpack on the floor. "Great. I'm glad."

Craig jumped back up to his feet. "Do you want something to eat, drink?" He went over to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. "We've got soda, juice, milk, beer, although Joey'd kill me if any of that went missing…" He went over to a cabinet and opened it. "Chips, crackers, cereal…"

"Uh, no I'm good, thanks."

Craig shrugged and closed the fridge then came back into the living room. "So I was thinking we could start with chapter 4 because I so don't get derivatives." He opened a textbook. "Hey did I tell you I passed my earth science exam?"

Sean nodded slowly. "Uh, yeah."

"Man when I got it back, I never thought I'd be so happy to see a C in my life. Angie hung it on the fridge, see?" He got back up and went back into the kitchen, pointing. "She used her special Tinkerbell magnet."

"That's great." Sean wondered what was going on. The moping and depression he could deal with, he had expected it. But this strange behavior he did not know how to handle. "Um, come on Craig let's get started."

Craig sat back down and opened his textbook again. "I really appreciate you coming over to study. I'd never get through this stuff by myself."

"No problem," Sean replied, trying to focus on the notes he had taken. "Um…" He closed his book suddenly. "I have to tell you something."

"What's up?" Craig asked, still flipping through the pages in his notebook.

The room seemed to tilt and spin as Sean tried to get the words out. "I…you…you've been a great friend."

Craig looked at him, frowning slightly. "Um, okay."

"You've been there and you've helped me, um, realize—" Sean stopped hearing the front door open suddenly. They both turned to see Ellie standing there, panting heavily.

"Um, hi," Craig said slowly. "What are you—"

"Oh I'm sorry am I interrupting something?" she asked, stepping into the living room, eyes flashing. "I was just wondering if I could get in on the drug action. You know, speed or maybe some LSD. Whatever you've got lying around."

"How did you…" Craig looked at Sean. "Did you tell her?"

Sean shook his head quickly. "N-no. I didn't tell anyone."

"Oh so you knew about this too?" Ellie said, crossing her arms. "That's just great."

"Ellie," Craig said, getting to his feet. "How did you find out?"

"Well considering your dealer lives in the same building as me, it wasn't exactly hard. He asked me where you've been and to tell you to call him. My roommate told me he deals. Didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why he wanted to get in contact with you." Ellie shook her head. "How could you?"

Craig sank back down onto the couch, putting his head in his hands. "El…"

"Craig, why would you do this to yourself?" She came to stand in front of him.

"Because everything was falling apart. My future was gone, everything I thought I knew about myself…" Craig looked up, his eyes glistening. "Ellie, I'm quitting. I swear."

Ellie chuckled harshly. "Oh, it's that easy is it? How long has this been going on anyway?"

"I started in Vancouver."

"Since _then_?"

Craig stood up suddenly. "Yeah. Not like you were around this summer to notice anyway."

"Oh, do not blame me. I'm sorry I was busy getting ready for university. Besides whenever we did spend time together, you seemed to talk to every girl in the room besides me anyway."

"That's because…never mind. Just forget it." Craig turned away and started to pace up and down the living room.

"Why didn't _you_ tell me?" Ellie said, addressing Sean now.

He swallowed hard. "I promised I wouldn't tell."

"But he needs help. You needed to tell someone. Didn't you want to help him?"

"Of course I did!" Sean burst out.

"Well you should have told me then. Or Joey. Sean, this is a serious problem. You can't just expect—"

"Stop it!" Craig shouted suddenly. "Stop talking about me like I'm a child! I'm standing right here. And I don't need this from you." He glared at Ellie, his hands balled into fists. "I don't need your help. I just need you guys to leave. I need to…" He trailed off as he hurried out of the living room and up the stairs.

Sean and Ellie looked at each other then went to follow him. Sean ran forward when they reached the top of the stairs and grabbed the door handle to Craig's room before it could fully close. He shoved it open to see Craig pulling out the drawers of his dresser. He fumbled around in the open space of the dresser until he pulled out a plastic bag of small white pills.

"No!" Ellie lunged forward to try and grab them. He pulled them away, trying to open the bag. "Craig please!"

"Damn it," Sean muttered under his breath, stepping forward and grabbing Craig's arm.

"Get off!" Craig shouted, shoving him away. He managed to get a pill out and swallow it before Ellie knocked the bag out of his hand. It fell to the ground, spilling the tablets out onto the carpet. "Ellie, look what you did!" He pushed her and she fell back against the wall, knocking over the lamp on her way down. She sat there stunned, but Craig barely noticed, kneeling down to collect the pills.

"Craig." Sean knelt beside his friend. "Craig, look at me."

Craig continued to gather the pills in his palm, breathing heavily.

"Craig, I never got to finish telling you what I was saying before. You've been the best friend I could have ever asked for. More than I deserve. You've had it rough, rougher than I did, but you never gave up. I admired that so much. You were the one who reminded me about the good in the world. You stopped me from giving up." Sean struggled to keep his voice steady. Craig had stopped moving and now just knelt where he was. "And I'm not going to give up on you. Never."

Craig looked up at him, and Sean wondered if anyone had ever looked that fragile or scared before. Slowly, he turned his palm and let the pills fall back to the floor. His eyes swept the room and locked on Ellie who was still sitting on the floor watching him with tear-filled eyes. He sank back, his back against the wall. His eyes appeared glazed over and his breathing came out in quick short gasps.

"Craig?" Sean asked quietly. "Craig, can you hear me?"

Craig did not respond, just sat there trembling.

"What's going on?" Ellie asked, slowly getting to her feet.

"I don't know. Craig!" Sean shook his friend gently. No response. "I think you'd better call 911. Now." He carefully put a hand on Craig's back as Ellie ran to get the phone. "You're okay. You're going to be okay."

He had never been less sure of anything in his life.

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**I based this on research and experiences of people I know and what I've seen, so I've been trying to make what's happening to Craig as realistic as possible. Reviews please! **


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